Monday, July 2, 2012
Time to Grow
I didn't write much about the LIFE is Good Conference this year. I didn't go on and on about how awesome it was. I didn't tell you about the amazing connections I made or how energized I felt. I didn't tell you all of these things because none of them happened. What did happen? I felt depressed. I felt anxious. I felt lost. And I wanted to cry.
What was so different about this year from two years ago? Well, for starters I forgot my thyroid med. If you know anything about an under-active thyroid, if you are without meds, it messes with your head. It messed with mine. A lot. Of course, in the throes of it, I didn't realize what it was.
This time I didn't have someone by my side for the whole conference, last time I did. Princess didn't have someone with her to hang out the whole time this time, last time she did. This created anxiety for me.
With all of that, my biggest challenge is that I am shy. Painfully shy. Many people who know me are surprised to find this out, but believe me, it is true. If I'm on my turf, I do just fine. If I'm surrounded by people I know, I do just fine. Put me in a space with a lot of people who I don't know and watch me crawl inside myself. The thing is, I want so much to connect with others I just don't know how to do it.
I saw familiar faces from the unschooling community, people I have on my Facebook friends list, but I couldn't force myself to walk up to them and start talking.
Princess wanted to go off on her own, but she's so little and as my sweet friend "Pink" puts it, Princess is portable and is easily carried off. I would have been fine had she had a friend to hang with, but she didn't. This limited her experience as well. For that I felt horrible. The entire experience was a failure.
You'd think we would never want to go back, right? Wrong. I refuse to live my life this way any longer. I am going to beat this. I am spending my time until Memorial Day weekend (the conference weekend) working on my shyness and my social anxiety. I'm reading books that help with shyness and social anxiety and I'm putting myself out there. I have had several conversations with people, strangers, engaging them in conversation. This is a skill I have never learned . . . until now. I now have a goal for this year and I am going to rock this goal.
We will be back at LIFE is Good and we will have a fabulous experience. My friend Pink has offered to join us next year along with her son who is a very good friend to Princess. Yes, she will be my security blanket but she has offered to help me grow and work this goal. I can do this. I know I can. LIG 2013 is going to be awesome!!!